Top 10...

First Quote

Lee Evans:

Do you ever do that thing, where you walk into a room and you forget why the fuck you walked in there and then you ask yourself, Why did you walk in this room? Why you asking you, you don't fucking know!!

Lee Evans best bits YouTube 3 mins in.

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Jimmy Carr Quotes

From live at the apollo

"The 2012 olympics is going to cost £8 billion, which is, ya' know a lot of money, it's probably going to bankrupt London, but you can't put a price on 2 bronze medals in cycling."

"People ask me how i relax, so i tell them i put smarties tubes on cats legs to make them walk like a robot ... If i'm really stressed i make them go down the stairs"

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Comedy Quotes

David Walliams and Matt Lucas Martin Clumes sketch from come fly with me


Martin Clume- Come fly with me sketch

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Top 10 Comedians and comedy Sketches
Quotes

I'm always all over the place, you know, you get these people that are like "Here, I was talking to her on monday - was it tuesday? - was it thurs-?" "WHO CARES! JUST TELL ME WHAT THEY FUCKING SAID!" I hate them fuckers! They say stuff like "Feels like a tuesday, does it feel like a tuesday? Yeah, feels like a tuesday." I don't know! How the fuck does tuesday feel?

[about car satellite navigation systems]

Lee Evans: They've got those really sexy voices now with them now don't they?

[in exaggerated sultry voice]

Lee Evans: Turn... left! Fuckin' right love!

Michael McIntyre

Peter kay

Jimmy Car

Simon Bird

Sacha baron cohen

Russell Howard        

Harry Hill

David Walliams

Matt Lucas